The Wacky World of Children’s Birthday Events

Birthdays are great! Odds are that every little child from across the globe enjoys celebrating their birthday. More often than not, a birthday means good food like pizza and more treats than usual, everybody congratulating you, and, quite importantly, a couple of new gifts to add to your repertoire.

A birthday, on the other hand, can also be nerve-racking for the hosting parent. Although your child is never going to wrap their head around the difficulties of setting up a birthday party, their satisfaction and happiness are always worth it.

Therefore, put on your parenting gloves (even if you aren’t a parent), take out a pen and paper, and prepare to plan for what might be one of the most stressful events of this year.

Birthday Events? More Like Hell!


So, yes – birthdays can be tremendously fun. Just like in a Disney movie, a birthday party can be full of confetti, happy smiles, wholesome moments, lifetime memories, and music constantly (and uncannily) playing in the background.

Yes. It can be. Is it likely? We don’t want to scare you away, but let’s just say managing more than a dozen little imps who are intent on wreaking havoc and making trouble while they’re having fun can be very, very difficult.

To make matters worse, any type of event is always liable to an unpleasant surprise. You could try your best to child-proof the venue, turning all sharp edges blunt and keeping the dogs locked away, only for one of them to trip on the stairs while leaving and suffering an injury.

One solution would be to exhibit the very spirit of carefulness. That means maximum perception at all times, never letting an eye off of any of your child’s guests. Unfortunately, that is a bit hard to manage without sharing one of God’s qualities, namely that of omnipresence.

The alternative? Event insurance, of course. You can’t be the personal guardian angel of every little child no matter how hard you try. While you’re no doubt going to do your best to ensure all of your children’s guests are safe, taking an extra step to protect yourself against a particularly lawsuit-happy parent would be a wise move.

Come On, What Can Possibly Go Wrong?


If the previous example of a kid failing to perfect their motor skills and falling only to attract what is potentially a tremendously difficult lawsuit for you, then let’s go ahead and outline just a couple of the things that can go bad during a birthday party.

First of all, children haven’t really been alive much, which means they lack a lot of experience and wisdom. While you and I might be aware that licking the underside of a sharp, serrated knife is an utterly dreadful idea, you’d be surprised at how much a kid is willing to experiment.

Therefore, almost anything a kid does is liable to land you in trouble. The main reason for this is because, according to US law, the host of an event is held liable to any harm, injury, or general detriment that affects their guests.

As such, if one of your little guests sprawls over the dirt and shaves off a patch of their skin, there’s a large chance you’re going to regret not closing off the playground. Picture this: although the kid doesn’t really care, their parents smell an opportunity to make money and thus decide to sue you since you are legally responsible for the injury.

Depending on court circumstances, you could be found guilty and have to pay a hefty fine that might ruin your financial future. So, while, “He let my child roller skate without a helmet!” might not pass as a sin in parenting circles, it’s all going to look very different on paper in the court of law.

Too much talking, not enough showing. Here are two examples of how a children’s birthday event can go horribly wrong.

Fast Food Venues


Who doesn’t love fast food? Children do, that’s for sure. Sadly, their digestive system isn’t as developed so as to allow the processing of hundreds of chemicals and preservatives. Not surprising, since most adults can’t stomach too much of it either.

Therefore, imagine your child’s birthday party, or that of a kid whose parents you’re hosting for, having fun and doing jumping jacks in the McDonalds party room, all laughter and smiles. Then, suddenly, as if recreating a scene from the Exorcist, one of the little children vomits all over, painting the room in more than pink and glitter.

Undoubtedly, not much needs to be said about that scenario. A child vomits, then someone else vomits, then suddenly it’s all turned into a pukey free-for-all. Last thing you need after such a chunky encounter is to get slapped with a lawsuit by a parent who claims you “scarred” their child.

Ah, America – the land of opportunity!

Pool Parties


They sound awesome as an idea but are hard to pull off with children. Where do we even start? Any guest list larger than a handful of children is going to be a chore because swimming is not the easiest of activities for the young.

There’s a probability many children won’t even know how to swim, which opens up windows to a lot of poolside bullying. If a girl is afraid to swim, then odds are a devilish little boy will come by and throw her in. That also means a lot of splashing and a lot of screaming children.

Doesn’t sound like a lot yet? How about kids being intent on cannonballing into the pool, or, much worse yet, trying to flip inside? If that doesn’t scare you, then always remember that wet surfaces are liable to make people slip. And children are known to fall all the time…

Oh, yes. Let’s not forget about cleaning up the pool. Kids are dirty, so have fun picking pepperoni pizza slices out of the water.

Insurance Keeps You Sane

I’m not particularly saying you shouldn’t host a children’s birthday party. However, it can be very taxing, both financially, mentally, and emotionally. If anything goes bad, then it can all go spiraling down, leaving you in a rut you won’t easily get out of.

Consider getting insurance, then. Protect yourself against unpleasant surprises!

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